Do you think of lubricant as functional or sensual? If you’re like most women, you know that lubing up makes sex more comfortable. Not surprising, right?. Breastfeeding, menopause, stress, certain medicines, and even depression can cause desert-like conditions at the most inconvenient times. Add a little friction, and you’re thinking, “Ouch! Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.” Lubricant to the rescue. Within seconds, a little moisture can turn your pain into pure ecstasy. Yes, there are times when lube is clearly a need to have.
Now, I’m going to fill you in on a steamy secret. Lubricant is good for intimacy. One small, innocuous bottle can be transformational. Lubricant makes foreplay more fun, helps you give (and get!) killer massages, and, best of all makes it easier for you to orgasm. Of course, it makes it easier for your partner too. So, if you’re only using lube to combat dryness, girl, you’re missing out. If you’re not quite sure about all the things you can do with lube to help you bond, I’ve got you covered. Here are five tips to help you and your partner reach new levels of bliss.
1. Have the talk
Talking about lube, or anything sexual for that matter, can feel a little bit weird if you’re not used to doing so. How do you start the conversation? What will your partner think? Is this going to be embarrassing? Hey, it’s okay. Getting butterflies is normal. It’s also completely normal to use lubricant. Most women use lube during intercourse or partnered sexual play. They’re just not talking about it.
So back to broaching the subject. What’s the best way? I recommend taking a deep breath and just putting it out there. You don’t have anything to lose, and everything to gain. Remember, your partner has a lot to gain too. Just imagine the possibilities and go for it.
2. Go shopping together
Pour a couple of glasses of merlot, dim the lights, cue some Sam Smith, and grab the laptop. There are so many different types of lubricants available, why not spend some time checking out the options together? When you Google the term “lubricant” or “lube”, three kinds of lube will pop up: water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based. The formulas are all a bit different, so I’m going to give you the scoop on the different types. You’re going to want the right one.
If you’re planning on going all night, silicone-based lubricants seem like they would be a good option, but they do have some drawbacks. In the pro column, silicone lube usually lasts for a while and doesn’t need to be reapplied. It’s also safe to use with condoms. Now for the con side. Silicone doesn’t always wash off so easily. Yeah, I know that talking about cleaning up isn’t the sexiest topic, but hygiene is really important. You don’t want to deal with a bacterial or yeast infection. You’ll need some soap and warm water or an unscented wet wipe to get washed up. Also, silicone-based lubricants aren’t designed to work with silicone toys. Seems ironic, right?
Oil-based lubricants are great for hot shower scenes and massages but aren't designed to work with condoms. The oil can weaken the latex in condoms and make them break. Trust me, that’s an oh no panic moment you really don’t want to have. The oil can also stain your sheets, sofa, or other surfaces, so you’ll need to keep a towel nearby.
If you want a healthy all-around lube for a quickie, a long lovemaking sesh, and anything in between, I highly recommend using a water-based formula. Lube that’s water-based is compatible with both silicone and latex. Condoms and toys won’t break down, so you can play until your heart (and body!) is content. Bonus, the light texture usually doesn’t cause irritation, UTIs, or yeast infections. Water-based lubricants are designed to mimic your natural body fluids and are the best option if you want to have fun and avoid a trip to your gyno’s office.
Once you find a lube (or two or three) that turns you on, check out the ingredients list. It’s always good to know what’s going into your body. Think of it as a naughty and nice list. Certain ingredients, including glycerin, petroleum, and propylene glycol, can cause irritation or make you more likely to get infections. Instead, look for natural ingredients such as vitamin E and hyaluronic acid that preserve your pH levels and maintain the balance of healthy bacteria.
3. Be scent-sible
Here’s a fun fact I’ll bet you didn’t know. Women who are sensitive to smell have more orgasms. Yup, smell has a powerful impact on attraction and arousal. Who knew that a whiff of coconut and vanilla that reminds you of a romantic getaway could lead to mind-blowing sex?
Most senses affect a region in the part of your brain where physical sensations are processed. Your sense of smell sends signals to the area that processes memory, feelings, emotions, moods, and sexual behavior. There’s a direct correlation. That’s where scented lubes come into play.
So how do you know which lube scent to pick? Look for a fragrance that complements your body’s scent. I’m sure you’ve walked by the fragrance department of your local department store and someone offered you a freshly sprayed sample card. Do you know how the perfume or cologne tends to smell differently on the card than on you? It’s the same thing. Some scents mix better with your body chemistry than others.
Another option is to go with a smell that works well for pretty much everyone. Sandalwood and other musky smells are good choices for most people because they imitate your skin’s scent. Other scents like vanilla are known to be natural aphrodisiacs.
Selecting your favorite scent is kind of like finding your song. Try a few out, you’ll eventually find some options that you both fall in love with.
4. Stock your nightstand
Let me ask you this, what’s in your nightstand? Some books? A box of tissues? A few old photos? If so, it’s time to declutter. Cleaning out your nightstand and stocking-up on lubricant and other not-so-basic supplies can take a night that would normally be same-old-same-old to absolutely out-of-this-world.
A well-stocked nightstand puts lube at your fingertips, when you need it. I get it, planning ahead might not seem very romantic. But once you’re in the moment, ooh la la! Candles, check. Condoms, check. Lube, check. Everything is there, within reach, ready for action.
If your partner is visual, there’s an added perk, the power of suggestion. Leaving a bottle of lube sitting out at eye level tells them exactly what’s on your mind. You don’t have to say a word. Your partner may even come up with some ideas of their own. Who knew that something so simple could be so invigorating?
5. Get in the game
More fun is always good for your relationship. So what better way to infuse more fun into your sex life than with games and lube? Games let you explore new activities together, which is perfect for bonding. Games not only help you better understand each other, they’re the perfect way to transition into full-blown sex.
Need some ideas? Add lube to a sex task list you or your partner have to perform to win a prize. Blindfolds and lube are a great combo. You or your partner can guess where the lube is going next. The possibilities are endless. If you’re new to the game, though, I highly recommend setting some ground rules. You and your partner both want to feel like you’re in a safe space.
So there it is. Lube isn’t just designed for soothing, it’s made for connecting. Have fun shopping and playing!
