When I first stepped into non-monogamy, I thought I knew how sexual health worked. Use condoms, get a “full panel” once a year, call it a day. I quickly learned that wasn’t just outdated advice — it was potentially putting me (and my partners) at risk.
If you’re in your single era, dating multiple people, or part of the polyamorous crowd like me, you’ve probably wondered: Do I really need to get an STI test after every new partner? The internet will give you a million conflicting answers, ranging from “yes, always” to “nah, you’re fine.”
To cut through the noise, I spoke to Thea Wayne, the CEO and Founder of Testie, an at-home STI testing service launching soon. Her advice? It’s not about obsessively testing after every fling — it’s about knowing your risk level, the incubation times for different infections, and having a realistic schedule you can stick to.
Myth #1: “Every new partner means I need a test tomorrow.”
Reality: It depends on the situation.
“If it was an unprotected encounter and you’re feeling anxious, and it’s within your means, getting tested can give peace of mind,” Thea told me. “But if it was protected, your risk is lower. I generally recommend sexually active folks with consistent new or non-exclusive partners get tested quarterly.”
Testing the next day won’t catch everything. Some STIs, like chlamydia and gonorrhea, can be detected within a week. Others, like HIV and syphilis, take several weeks to a few months for accurate results. Thea’s advice: If the encounter was protected, get tested around the one-week mark. If it was unprotected or high risk, wait seven days for common STIs, abstain or use protection in the meantime, and go back a few weeks later for a follow-up to catch anything with a longer incubation period.
Myth #2: “A full panel covers everything.”
Reality: Even “full panels” can miss key tests.
A comprehensive panel should include gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, trichomoniasis, HIV, and hepatitis B & C. But oral STI swabs are often left out — even though oral gonorrhea is the most commonly reported STI. “It’s especially common after fellatio,” Thea explained, “and it’s often mistaken for other infections.”
HSV-1/2 (herpes) testing is also tricky. Many providers only test if you have visible sores because results can be hard to interpret. Plus, over half of U.S. adults have HSV-1 already.
Myth #3: “If I feel fine, I must be fine.”
Reality: Most STIs are symptomless.
An estimated 77% of chlamydia cases and 45% of gonorrhea cases have no symptoms. Herpes can be asymptomatic in 70% of people. Waiting until you “feel something” isn’t a plan — it’s an invitation for infections to linger, spread, and potentially cause long-term issues like infertility, chronic pelvic pain, or even certain cancers.
Myth #4: “I use condoms, so I’m covered.”
Reality: Condoms are amazing — but they’re not magic.
They don’t protect against skin-to-skin spread of STIs like herpes, HPV, or syphilis, nor do they fully prevent oral STIs. That’s why quarterly testing is still recommended if you have multiple partners. If you have multiple partners who also have other partners and you skip condoms, Thea suggests testing every 4–6 weeks.
Myth #5: “I’m monogamous, so I’m good.”
Reality: Some STIs can be dormant for years.
“If both partners have been monogamous for years and there are no symptoms, routine testing isn’t always necessary,” Wayne says, “However, some STIs can remain dormant for years, so occasional testing can offer peace of mind. If concerns come up, you can add STI tests to annual bloodwork through your primary care provider or visit urgent care for more discretion.”
How to bring up STI testing without killing the mood
You don’t need to turn it into a scary, shame-filled talk. Make it normal:
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“Hey, I get tested every three months — when was your last test?”
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Swap results before becoming sexually active.
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Frame it as part of pleasure, not paranoia.
That’s something I’ve learned from being open about my sex life: clear sexual health boundaries actually increase intimacy. Knowing we’ve both been tested lets us be more playful, adventurous, and — yes — more willing to break out my favorite Free Love lubricant (which even helps prevent UTIs, bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections!)
Making STI testing as routine as brushing your teeth
Thea’s tip? Pair it with something fun.
“Schedule your test, then get a massage, haircut, or treat yourself. The goal is to make it a habit you look forward to.”
If remembering is the hardest part, Testie’s upcoming subscription model can put quarterly or biannual testing right on your calendar — so you don’t have to Google “where can I get tested near me?”
You don’t need to panic-test after every new partner. But if you’re in a non-monogamous relationship or dating multiple people, a quarterly schedule keeps you safe without killing the mood. Remember: pleasure and safety aren’t opposites — they’re teammates.
And in my book, “free love” is a lot more fun when you know you’re taking care of yourself and everyone you share it with.
