For decades, the story women were told about sex after 50 was… bleak. Desire disappears. Bodies shut down. Pleasure fades. The libido we once had? Gone like the wind. But that narrative is finally getting rewritten by science, by lived experience, and by women themselves.
“It is realistic that when a woman is in her 50s and beyond,” Dr. Trina Read, a sexologist with over 25 years of experience tells Playground, “She hits her sexual stride and becomes the sexiest version of herself.”
What if we told you that, for many, menopause isn’t a sexual ending at all? It’s actually the beginning of an entirely new chapter: One marked by clarity, confidence, and a level of embodied pleasure they were too busy or too self-conscious to access earlier in life.
What doesn’t get discussed, Read adds, is how this time of a woman’s life in her 50s and beyond can be a sexy awakening. And the data backs it up: a recent AARP study found that sexual activity — including masturbation and oral sex — has increased among people over 40. Even more revealing? 83 percent of Americans over 40 report having erotic dreams or fantasies.
Even research from The Kinsey Institute says so: Regular intentional self-pleasure can lead to noticeable relief from common menopause symptoms, including improved mood, sleep, and overall sexual well-being.
So desire isn’t disappearing. It’s just evolving (especially around menopause.) So let’s talk about what really happens to libido during menopause — and why so many women discover that their hottest years are still ahead.
Why Libido Can Increase During or After Menopause
If no one told you that libido can increase during menopause, you’re not alone. But it makes perfect sense.
After 40, Dr. Read explains that women often produce less oxytocin, the hormone responsible for “tending and mending.” This shift has a powerful effect: Instead of focusing on tending and mending others, she can focus more on herself.
This biological reset often opens the door to:
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More self-attunement
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Clearer boundaries
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A stronger sense of what actually feels good
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The confidence to ask for what you want
When caretaking expectations loosen (like with children growing up and leaving the house) pleasure finally has room to expand. And for many women, that’s when libido wakes up and asks for more.
Hormones Affect Desire… But They Aren’t the Whole Story
Hormones fluctuate so dramatically during perimenopause and menopause that it’s easy to blame everything on estrogen. And yes, libido is influenced by hormonal shifts, but Dr. Read stresses an important distinction:
Libido is your baseline drive.
Desire is what you think before, during, and after sex.
Arousal is how your body responds.
And here’s the truth: For most women, good sex starts in the mind.
“How a woman anticipates sex, whether positive or negative, will profoundly affect her ability to become aroused,” says Dr. Read.
Physically, women also require more time for physiological arousal.
“Unlike men who have a 5–7 inch tube to engorge with blood, women have an entire pelvic area,” Dr. Read explains. “That’s why most need 10–15 minutes of consistent stimulation to be fully aroused.”
This is where supportive products make a huge difference, like Playground’s Free Love Lubricant, which adds glide, reduces friction, and helps the pelvic floor respond. And for women who need help shifting from dryness and discomfort to sexyness and slippery fun, Playground’s Miracle Melts can help with that, too.
Menopause doesn’t erase pleasure, it just requires that we approach pleasure more intentionally.
The Emotional & Psychological Side of Midlife Sex
One of the biggest misconceptions about sex after 50 is that it’s a “lesser” version of the sex we had in our 20s.
“Sex after 50 is not going to be the sex she had when she was 20,” Dr. Read reminds us, “And that’s a good thing!”
Why? Because midlife sex is often:
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Less performative
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More sensory
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More connected
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More exploratory
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More honest
According to Dr. Read, this shift is like moving from “orgasm-as-the-goal” sex to “exploring-the-body sensuality” sex. This is where “toe-curling sex lives.”
It’s not about racing toward the climax, either. It’s about letting your own pleasure take up space and using products that encourage slowness, warmth, and sensation, to make this new era of your sex life feel even more immersive.
Making Midlife Sex More Comfortable & More Pleasurable
Menopause can bring real physical changes like vaginal dryness, thinner vaginal tissue, reduced elasticity or more difficulty becoming aroused. But hey, none of this means sex is over. It means your toolkit needs updating.
Dr. Read recommends using moisturisers, creams, suppositories, and in some cases, estrogen cream to support comfort and sensation.
Plus, using lube becomes a non-negotiable: it supports thinning vaginal tissue, helps restore pleasurable friction, and turns dryness into glide. The goal isn’t to “fix” anything, but rather, support the body you have now so sex feels incredible.
Why Communication Matters More Than Ever
Because desire and arousal shift unpredictably during menopause, emotional openness becomes a core part of sexual well-being. Dr. Read encourages couples to talk openly about:
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Your changing body
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How your desire fluctuates day to day
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What you need during sex right now, not five years ago
Menopause can be discouraging or confusing, especially when women bottle up feelings that need to be spoken aloud. But those “awkward but necessary discussions” will open the door to the best sex of their lives.
“The trick,” Dr. Read says, “is to keep a positive mindset,” which helps women navigate the turbulence of their 40s and 50s while opening up sensuality in their 60s.
It’s about saying yes to slowness, sensation, self-prioritization, new fantasies and new forms of pleasure. And yes, more sex (if that’s what you want!)
Your Best Sex Can Still Be Ahead
Menopause marks the end of one chapter, but for many women, it also marks the beginning of the most liberated, embodied, and deeply pleasurable sex of their lives. A time when they’re no longer focused on caretaking. A time when they know their bodies deeply. A time when they prioritize pleasure.
“This time of a woman’s life can be a sexy awakening,” Dr. Read reminds us.
And we think that awakening is worth celebrating. Your body isn’t winding down, but rather, waking up to a new era of sex and pleasure.
