Playground Co-Founder and CEO Catherine Magee often reaches out to our customers for feedback on our products. Recently, Catherine had the opportunity to speak with a customer named April and discovered that April is a loyal Playground customer and a breast cancer survivor.
Breast cancer accounts for 30 percent (that’s one in three) of all new cancers that affect women every year. Treatments for breast and other types of cancer that affect women often trigger early-onset menopause. Vaginal dryness and vaginal atrophy are common issues.
April shared how she put tattoos over her mastectomy scars rather than getting implants. She also mentioned that she and her friends discovered Playground online and have been buying Playground lubricants to combat their excessive vaginal dryness.
Catherine was touched by April’s story, and April offered to have Playground speak with a couple of her friends who are also Playground fans. Those two friends are Ashley Rath and Erin Michael, two breast cancer survivors who are self-described “open books” about their experiences.
Ashley and Erin told us about their breast cancer treatments and explained how finding natural and clean products helped them find life after breast cancer. And, as you’ll see, they dished about everything ranging from drains and vaginas to intimacy and mental health. No topic was off-limits.
You’ll be inspired by their stories and strength as they share what they learned during their journeys.
About Ashley Rath & Erin Michael
Ashley Rath was diagnosed with Stage Two invasive Ductal Carcinoma breast cancer in April of 2021. She had a lengthy treatment plan that included a lumpectomy, 16 rounds of chemotherapy, and 20 rounds of radiation. Ashley is also the Founder and CEO of Rebuild-A-Bitch, a non-profit organization that provides mental health coaching resources to women impacted by cancer.
Erin Michael was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) and hormone-positive, HER2-invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer in October 2020. She was 37 years old. A lumpectomy wasn’t an option, so Erin underwent a double mastectomy with implant reconstruction and fat grafting. Erin is the President of Rebuild-A-Bitch.
Do self-exams, listen to the voices in your head, and insist on a mammogram!
How did you initially know that something was wrong and you needed to get further testing?
Erin: I found a lump by myself just standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom in late August 2020. I didn't think much of it, but I also had all the public service announcements about lumps running through my head. So, I left it alone for a little bit and then checked again. A week or so later, it was still there. At that point, I was like, “All right, I have to get this checked out.” I really didn't think it would be anything because I didn’t have any family history, and I was so young, but it was.
Ashley: I just had a little shooting pain on the right side of my breast, and I had a similar voice in my head. I saw my OB the next day, and she was like, “Oh, it's probably just a hormonal cyst because your period is about to start.” So I asked her if I could just go ahead and get my mammogram early since I was 39.
How do you know what to look for when doing a self-breast exam?
Erin: I would do self-checks once in a while, but I didn't feel like I really knew what I was doing. And I was like, well, everything is lumpy in here. I didn't know what was going to feel different, but it is distinctly different compared to all of your other breast tissue. The lump that I felt was hard and a very unique shape.
Ashley: Much like Erin, I didn't know what I was feeling for. I thought that I knew, and I was like,
I think maybe I feel something, but we're just not educated enough to know exactly what we're looking for. A lot of people say that cancer doesn't cause pain, but I'm very thankful that mine did encourage me to get it checked out.
Did you feel like your healthcare providers took you seriously?
Erin: When I found my lump, I knew that I needed a referral for testing. I didn't even wait to get an appointment with my doctor. I went to urgent care. The guy quickly felt it and wrote a script for the ultrasound that I needed. But if he hadn't listened to me, I had an appointment scheduled with my OB/GYN. I also have my primary care doctor, who I would have seen if necessary.
Ashley: I got my initial scan from my OB. Today, we have so many doctors that we deal with on a regular basis that getting scans should not be an issue.
Your relationships will probably change.
How did people react when you told them about your diagnosis?
Erin: I think telling people was the hardest. I get a little emotional thinking about it now. I waited to tell a lot of them until I had all the information. Because you say the word cancer, and everyone instantly wonders, “Is she going to die?” The truth is, maybe. There were some people that I thought would truly show up that just kind of disappeared. It's pretty common. In situations like that, people aren't sure what to do, and so sometimes they don’t do anything. But then there were some acquaintances who checked on me every day.
Ashley: I've been doing CrossFit for about ten years and I was one of the healthier people in my circle of friends. I think everybody was really shocked and wondering, “How did Ashley get breast cancer? She’s so health conscious.” Like Erin, I found that some people in my life just disappeared. But then there were people like my co-workers who delivered meals to me twice a week for five months. They were amazing. Breaking the news to my two young daughters, who were five and eight back then, was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My youngest was worried that I was going to be bald. My oldest daughter’s first question was, “Are you going to die?” That was heartbreaking for me.
How did your diagnosis affect your relationship with your partner?
Erin: We went from being partners to him being my caregiver. He was helping me empty my drains when I got an infection. He was looking at the pus coming out of my drain hole to see what color it was. During one of my surgeries, it was really hard for me to sit down and stand up, so he was helping me on and off of the toilet. He was managing my medication schedules. Imagine trying to be intimate after talking about pus colors. It definitely changes things and gives everybody a little bit of a reality check.
Ashley: I’m recently divorced and am about to re-enter the dating world. At the time, my partner did make me feel very sexy and desirable. We had some other moments that weren’t as pleasant, too. But generally, and this is a lot of therapy speaking, I firmly believe that I’m the one who needs to make myself happy first. I need to love myself first before I can truly love anyone else.
What do you recommend if someone’s partner isn’t supportive?
Ashley: Erin and I have had access to a mental performance coach before, and a lot of what she would tell women, especially in the thick of treatment, is to focus on what you can control. We can't control how other people will respond to what we're going through or to how our bodies change. But what we can do is focus on what we can control and make sure that we show up for ourselves every day. If you can only go for a walk or put on some makeup today, that’s okay. Just find those little ways to take care of yourself and not be so dependent on your partner. It takes a lot of therapy. It takes a lot of coaching. It’s a lot of just focusing on the little victories and finding ways to be proud of yourself.
It can take some time to adjust to your post-treatment body.
Was there a point where you felt like you lost your sexuality?
Erin: I have a bunch of scars that I didn't have before. I have biopsy scars. I have a scar on my right collarbone, and I have these big incisions underneath. And I have implants under my skin, which are not breast tissue. They look different, and they move differently. I wouldn't say that I feel like I lost my sexuality, but I had to change what that meant a little bit.
Ashley: Everyone who undergoes cancer has a different story. I had a different experience than Erin because I had a lumpectomy. My breasts are still my breasts. They're a little lopsided. Because I had to do chemo and radiation, I felt like I was losing my identity a little bit during treatment because I lost my hair. I certainly didn’t feel sexy when I was undergoing treatment and was bald, but I still have most of my body parts.
Did your diagnosis affect your sex life?
Erin: I realized pretty quickly that my nipples were duds after my surgeries. Before that, nipple play was very important to me. My nipples were a direct connection to orgasm. To flick a nipple and not even know it was harder to cope with than I anticipated. So I'm lucky that over time, I've gotten quite a bit more sensation back than I probably even should have. I do have sensation back in one of my nipples now. Just a bit, but just enough. Quite honestly, sex was one of the last things I was thinking about for a while. But, once my surgeries were over and I was much more on the recovery end of things and not back in and out of the hospital, I was ready.
Ashley: I haven’t started dating again yet, but when the time comes, I do wonder what a new partner will think when he sees my scars. They’re definitely noticeable. I’m not sure yet how I’m going to start the conversation.
It’s not unusual for cancer treatments to induce menopause, no matter how old you are.
What has your experience been with menopause?
Ashley: I was in chemo-induced menopause starting in June of 2021, and I had my ovaries removed in March of 2022. I'm technically postmenopausal, and I'm only 42. There are absolutely things that I did not see coming at this stage and age of life. The vaginal dryness, the mood swings, the hot flashes, just all of the things that you don't expect. So that's another layer of things to work through for us, too.
Erin: I went into menopause at 37, going on 38 years old. Now my friends and I joke around about our dry-ass vaginas. To manage my vaginal symptoms, I use hyaluronic acid suppositories and vaginal estrogen cream a couple of nights a week. I lay next to my partner in bed and put that stuff up my vagina and then look at him like, “I'm still cute, right?” But if I don't do those things, sex is really painful.
How did you discover Playground personal lubricants?
Ashley: Our particular group of breast cancer friends calls each other “Boob Sisters.” We’re a group who connected because we were physically active women who received breast cancer diagnoses. We were trying to figure out how to maintain our identities as athletes while dealing with our cancer. About a month ago, one of our Boob Sisters, named April, spoke with Catherine, one of the Playground founders. Much like the rest of us, April is an open book. She initially told us about Playground’s products. I went online and bought some immediately after that. I’ve been an avid user for about four weeks.
What made you think, “Hey, I want to try Playground products?”
Ashley: Since being diagnosed, I’ve been changing almost all of the products I use. I’ve been choosing cleaner foods and products. When I found out that Playground uses natural ingredients, I decided to give it a try.
Erin: We also like that you guys are flipping the script on cancer, menopause, and other issues women face. So many topics that affect women and their health are taboo, and we're not allowed to talk about them. I’m not ashamed to talk about what my body has been through or what it continues to go through because it’s reality. Our bodies change as we age. Our vagina changes. All of the organs in our pelvis change. Your vagina may get dry. Not being able to talk about it is isolating and perpetuates this feeling of shame. And there are solutions out there. If we don’t talk about them, then women are suffering alone. When we met the Playground staff, and everybody was talking about how they’re trying to get these experiences and issues out in the open, that really spoke to us. These issues are real and need to be discussed. Women should not feel the need to hide or feel like they’re alone or think that they’re weird because certain things are happening to them.
Cancer’s emotional effects don’t end once you’re in remission.
You mentioned that one of the hardest parts of fighting cancer is after the treatments are over and you’re in remission. Tell us a little bit about your experience.
Ashley: I finished active treatment in December of 2021. After that, I continued to see my doctors, but I hit a point when visits were less frequent. The year after that, I call my (excuse my language) “What-the-fuck” year. You’re on medications that get rid of all of the hormones in your body, and you’re on your own. That was the year when I was in a constant state of anxiety, worried that my cancer was going to return. I was getting scans frequently and really not taking care of myself because I was in such a state of fear. Thankfully, we have a community of women around us to support one another, but you really have to find your own way.
Erin: During treatment, you have a map with a very distinct plan. I’m a super Type A person, so if you give me a plan, I know what the steps are and what I have to do. Like Ashley said, I had my last surgery and went back to living my life. And then it was a big no, not back to life. There’s a lot that has changed. You, your outlook, your body, they all changed. As humans, we are always works in progress, even without a cancer diagnosis. Cancer just adds a whole other layer to that.
You both mentioned how important it is to you to tell your stories and help others cope during and after cancer treatment. How are you doing that?
Ashley: A lot of us have had the benefits of working with a mental health coach or a therapist in some way, shape, or form throughout our journeys. And I think all of us can attest that although the physical side effects are very tough and challenging, the mental health part can live on for many, many years after. So, In April of last year, we started a non-profit called Rebuild-A-Bitch to help women address the mental health side of cancer. We provide scholarships to women impacted by cancer, any type of cancer, to receive up to $500 towards a mental performance or health coach.
Erin: Cancer is traumatic. The treatments are physically, mentally, and emotionally traumatic, and you can’t get through that on your own. We have our Boob Sister group. We can support and make each other feel less alone, but none of us are professionals. I've actually had claustrophobia badly since my diagnosis, and I can only connect that to the small, dark rooms that you're in when you're doing your biopsy, your treatments, or your surgeries. That's not something that anyone can help me with except for a therapist. All sorts of PTSD happen after cancer, and it presents in all sorts of ways. We felt like there was a big gap in care, and we wanted to help fill it.
Surviving a battle with breast cancer makes you feel tough like you have an inner bad bitch. You can do anything!
How do you think your journey has changed you?
Erin: I’m a different person than I was before. Now, I make more time for myself, set boundaries, and ask for help when I need it. And I don’t have any regrets when I do so.
Ashley: Our organization’s name is Rebuild-A-Bitch for a reason. When you get through cancer treatment, and you’re on the other side, and you’re back to whatever you were doing before, you do feel kind of like a bad bitch. I don’t remember who I was before I was diagnosed with cancer. It hasn’t become my identity, but it has changed the person I am, and I wouldn’t change who I am today for anything. I’m a lot stronger. I feel so much more confident and happy and at peace with myself than I ever did before cancer.
Playground is inspired by strong women like Ashley and Erin, their challenges, and their quest to support others. Thank you for sharing your powerful stories.
Rebuild-A-Bitch (RAB) is a 501(c) non-profit organization designed to help women with cancer address their mental health needs. The organization provides funding, up to $500 in scholarships, to women impacted by any type of cancer to receive mental and physical health services to improve their well-being. For more information, visit rebuildab.org.
